Is it true?

Constructive criticism — the kind that invites us to think realistically about how we can do better, is helpful and worth entertaining.

Harsh criticism — the kind that makes swift judgments, does not offer a path forward and usually contains an undertone of anger, on the other hand, is hardly helpful.

Growing up I faced an inner harsh critic frequently: fiercely critical ofmy performance on all axes including social interactions, school projects, and as I got older — work.

In recent years I’ve learned that one of the best ways to put this harsh inner critic in check is to ask: is it true?

Several years ago after failing an interview, my harsh critic sent an uppercut to my ego: “Why are you so incompetent?”

What would’ve spared me from much undue angst and sleepless nights was the line of questioning: Is it true that you are incompetent? Do you believe you are good at certain things (yes)? Is it possible for you to know all things (good point — no)? According to history, are you capable of improving (certainly)?

From this line of questioning emerges a more balanced take: Yes, I could’ve done better in the interview. But I’m also competent in other things and, critically, can leverage the experience to grow.

Whenever your harsh critic comes out, ask: is it true?

I think you will find that it rarely is and that you are far more capable and resilient than you think.