Shoes-off Household

I grew up in a “shoes-off” household.

Whenever I had a friends over, many of whom grew up in a “shoes-on” household, I would feel slightly ashamed to ask them to take their shoes off.

The implicit belief was that I would be imposing on them, and that my preferences were somehow inferior to theirs. And yet, to drive this asymmetry home, the inverse situation where I am being asked to respect their preferences would somehow not only be expected but seem perfectly okay.

It took me over a decade to fully understand what I was struggling to comprehend in this situation and in general at the time, which is that every person, including me, is allowed to take up space. Not just physical space, but also emotional and psychological space as part of a mutual relationships where we feel like we can comfortably and confidently state what we wish to be respected…like the taking of one’s shoes off when they’re in your household.

This was a light bulb moment for me. For some, perhaps this comes more naturally. For others, we sometimes to have to remind ourselves of this.

You’re allowed to be here; you’re allowed to take up space. You are not an imposition on the world, you are an integral component of it — just as the trees, grass, and the fertile soil on top of which they grow are.

You are welcome.