So what if it’s true?

I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to be liked.

You could also say I was trying to avoid being disliked which despite sounding like the same thing somehow gets closer to the truth of the matter.

A tremendous amount of effort and attention has been allocated to this endeavor: rereading messages to make sure I come across amicably, thinking over and over and over again about how someone is going to react to what I’m doing.

With some help, I’ve finally managed to start asking a question I’ve been avoiding confronting all this time: “what if it’s true? What if someone doesn’t like me?”

The mere posing of this line of questioning is deeply uncomfortable and yet the more I sit with it the more I realize that my fears are unfounded:

My life does not end if it’s true. I am not harmed. I am not prevented from being happy about other things.

To not be liked, as severe as a circumstances as it has sounded all this time, isn’t that bad in practice.

And with this realization comes regained freedom: freedom to not obsess over messages or to ponder endlessly about what people think — freedom to care about other things!

When you feel discomfort, ask yourself:

What am I trying to avoid?

What if it’s true — is it so bad?

You may be relieved to discover that, in many cases, it’s not.