The people you will be

Matt Haig offers a beautiful perspective on change in his book The Comfort Book:

“…it is useful to remember that nothing lasts. Perspective shifts. We become different versions of ourselves. The hardest question I have ever been asked is: ‘How do I stay alive for other people if I have no one?’ The answer is that you stay alive for the other versions of you. For the people you will meet, yes, sure, but also the people you will be.”

That last line, “the people you will be”, is a bit of a plot twist.

We often think of the person we will become — like there’s some kind of final, completely evolved state awaiting us.

When in reality we encounter many different versions of ourselves over a lifetime — each shaped by our experiences up to that point, each well-suited to the times.

If there were ever a nugget of optimism to hold onto, it’s that time has a way of shaping you to become the kind of person you wish to be for yourself or for a relationship, a career, or a friendship.

It’s a slowly-and-steady kind of growth, the kind that isn’t easily detected in days but reveals itself more clearly over the span of months and years.

You’re not stuck. It just takes time — great things usually do.